My first experience with violation was at age 7. My neighborhood was full of boys and I was a tomboy. I remember playing a game and losing. The older boy down the street decided that I had to touch his penis and he got to touch my vagina as punishment for losing.
The 2nd time was in high school. I was walking to my car in a dark parking lot after taking a SAT prep class at the local college. A man came out of nowhere and pushed me against a car and started to rip my pants off. Luckily I screamed loud enough and scared him off.
Then my first fraternity party in college… was on my way to the bathroom and a guy grabbed me and pulled me into a bedroom and assaulted me. His fraternity happened to be the house next door from my sorority and I had to see him almost every day. Every time I saw him he smiled and told me how good I was.
Then was in a long term relationship with a man who thought it was okay to hit me if I talked back to him.
A few years later I went on a date with a guy who told me over dinner how bad he wanted to “fuck me.” I nicely told him that it wasn’t going to happen, even though I wanted to tell him to fuck off and get the hell away from me. That night he broke into my house and found my room… he covered my mouth so my roommates wouldn’t hear me scream.
The latest was when I was pregnant with my daughter. On numerous occasions, men would tell me how they wanted to stick their dick in me as I was walking to lunch.
I’ve felt violated so many times in my life and most of my close friends, family, and husband know nothing about it.
The shame is real. The fear for my daughter is real.
I am thankful to share my voice here. Maybe one day I will be able to share with the people I love.